I'm Back--Sort of

You know what I don't understand? The letter G. It's all silly looking and weird; and it for some reason feels like being the only letter in the English alphabet that can make the sound it does isn't enough and therefore it must mug J for its sound every once in a while. G is all, "Hm, 'garage'...oh man, I got so exhausted making the 'guh' sound at the beginning of that word. Plus I always end up sounding like someone punched me in the stomach. I think I'll make the 'juh' sound for the next one--that's not weird or confusing, right? It's cool, it's not gonna make first-graders cry from frustration as they struggle to grasp the purpose of it, right? Right!" Meanwhile J is like, "Come on, this is all I have! So I can act like a Y or even an H in foreign countries--WE'RE SPEAKING AMERICAN HERE, G. For flips sake!"

Conversely, you know what the most awesome letter is? Q. No matter what font it's wearing it looks like an ancient rune or a military insignia from Star Trek, and is always all, "Hey, man, I'm pretty much whatever you want me to be...check this out, I can make 'queue' just say my name! How awesome is that, it's like six letters, but still only one syllable. Booyah."

Also the vowels are the elitist clique of the alphabet world, and the IPA are the gods of all the alphabets.