Since I Never Claimed to be a Nonconformist....

So, I've been thinking.I've been a very bad writer for the past yea months, in that I've hardly written anything at all. The problem is, I haven't really written consistently for about a year now, maybe more. Which means I'm rusty, which means everything I write is so inadequate and dull even I notice. Which means that I stop writing whenever I start (who doesn't know the frustration of trying to continue with something you're doing horribly at?). Which means I get more unpracticed. Which means I get more dreadful, which means I get more frustrated, which means I get more unpracticed, and so on.

Well, it's summer (for me, anyhow) now, so I want to break free from this rut. And I know how to do it--I have to knuckle down and start writing crap and just keep at it until it looks less ugly--but it's the actual carrying out of the solution that always stops me. Therefor, I'm toying with the idea of committing to write something--a sentence, a paragraph, a scene--just something creative every day (as much as is possible, because there's always vacations and Youthcamp and days where I'm just weak). Following that vein of thought, I'm toying with the idea of following in the footsteps of basically every creative friend I have and starting a writing blog.If I did start one, I'd be open--nay, rabid--for suggestions and prompts on what to write on, because I really can't just pull ideas out of my couch cushions. I'm also thinking I'd at least loosely use that "100 Themes" list that seems to be so super popular around the cybersphere these days as a potential framework for the project.

The process of thinking through this idea is extremely back-and-forth in my mind.On the one hand, having a blog that other people (potentially) would read might keep me more accountable than I would by my onesy; on the other hand, it may just mean that I have more people to throw pitchforks and full wine bottles at me during those long gaps of weakness and lack-of-posting than just my own brain. On the one hand, it would help me if I had people reading and critiquing my work as I went along so I could continue to improve; on the other hand, my creative psyche quails at the thought of subjecting you poor readers to some of the melodramatic, inane space-waste I have been known to and most likely will produce. On the one hand, the vain side of me has grand dreams of complete strangers reading my blog and thinking I'm the next...Marcus Zusak, and lavishing me with praise and book deals; on the other hand, the more practical side of me knows that will never happen and it's more likely that if it's read by strangers at all they'll glance over it, never read it again, and forget they ever heard of me; and then there's also my paranoid side that wants to make it sacrosanct so no one evil will steal my brilliant ideas; so the vain side and the paranoid side are at war and neither of them are speaking to the practical side because she's against both of them and is just mean to suggest that someone would think my literary prowess is less than the level of a god-Shakespeare.

You may be telling yourself I'm over-thinking this. If you are, are you surprised? You shouldn't be.

Thoughts? And I mean complete, helpful thoughts on the whole subject entirely, not just "Gawsh I love reading your stuff!" Don't just tell me to do it because you want me to write more (Ben). This isn't exclusively about me writing more.

[You'll notice I've broke the lovely repetitive format of my post titles. It's my blog, I can do whatever I want.]

Back to Real Life--This is Probably Anticlimactic

After spending--oh my word, four months? I spent four months of my life that involved in the Twilight Saga?! I'm not certain of how I should feel about this. Should I be proud of my dedication to the cause of thorough, educated analysis? Should I be apathetic since it really doesn't matter all that much? Should I be horrified that I dedicated that much time and energy and witticism into something that in the long run probably matters less than Paris Hilton's autobiography?

I think yes.

But I'm digressing from the point...what I meant to start out with was:

After spending four months (guh) blogging (oh my, I'm blogging. I'm a blogger. I feel like I should know more about this world with a title) about the Twilight Saga, I feel like going back to my normal blogging--aka, "Have you ever pondered Mondays"--is even less adequate than it was before. And it helps very little that I just read over some older posts and am now wondering why on earth anyone bothers to read this. I'm so puzzled--this stuff is boring. I think there's something wrong with you people. Of course, I'm going to keep writing anyway, because I'm far too fond of Archives to just abandon him now, but I really do look at you all askance for reading. Truly.

I think I should carry a tape-recorder around with me everywhere I go, and this is why: in the past week, I've been legitimately (marginally) preoccupied with what I would post now that I'm done with Twilight forever. Every once and a while something would happen, something epic, or funny, or that just made me happy, and I tucked in away in my brain as "Blogging ideas." But the problem I face now is, since they already happened (and just ages ago, too) I really don't feel like mustering the narrative prowess it takes to retell things so they sound as awesome and cool as they were the first time. However, if I had a tape-recorder, then I could just narrate them in the moment, with dialogue peppered with witticism and emotional language inspired by my feelings for the moment at that time. In the moment. Because usually about a day after I meet the moment I get bored of the moment, and to each other we become one of those weird acquaintances that one smiles and waves at as they pass but at the same time tries to look extremely busy and destination-bound so that one doesn't have to stop and actually make conversation.

(I have a few people in my life under that category. I'm rightfully ashamed of my lack of gumption and social dexterity.)

What was the point of that paragraph? I think it was to say that if I had a tape recorder I could narrate said event while I was still excited about it and then in effect dictate it to myself later. I think that was it.

So biggest news in Meagan's life to date is that her poor fish are starving! I just realized neglecting this blog means neglecting to give love and tender care to the pixelated koi pond and it's adorable denizens! I'm a horrible parent...Remington, Steiny, Alphonse, Earl, Fitz--forgive me.

Oh yes, I'm also on summer break. Which is extremely nice for me, but probably not the most awesome for you, since that means right now I'm determinedly doing literally nothing. Well, I am going through Les Miserables; I think that's pretty epic of me if I do say so myself. But other than that, you probably don't want to hear about it.

I smell like an Icee right now. And now I want an Icee.

Things I am looking forward to:

• Prince of Persia and Eclipse because they both look hilarious.
• The return of Psych--Season 4!.
• Seeing the Leaches again (soon, soon, please be soon!).
• Getting together with Hannah (aha! You didn't think I was thinking about it, did you? Well I was).
• Getting to meet my niece, Julia Mae Smith, in July! [it's special. It gets special formatting]

Mbye!